I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
