She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
How's work?
Spinning.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
