I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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