i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
