my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
