38 yer olds are good kisserssss
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
