it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
