just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize