Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
