i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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