And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
