the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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