bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
