I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
