you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
