Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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