glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
We had sex on a dog bed..
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
