Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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