I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
