just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize