I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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