I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I would fuck him just for his dog
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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