I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
