I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
