i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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