Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
