i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
