Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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