I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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