Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
