i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
