My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
