So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He's a Shit stain on my heart
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
