perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I fill condoms, not promises.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Randomize
