I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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