U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
