I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
She announced her abortion via fbk
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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