Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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