just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
