If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
