I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
