When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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