I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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