From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
