you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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