Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
