Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
