What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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