and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
