I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
