I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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