Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
