why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
