I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
