I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
