Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
