you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
