I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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