He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize