the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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