I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
too bad you live with your parents still
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
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