the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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