It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
