The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
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