oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Pooping to opera.
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