I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Randomize