Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
