Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
