me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
