He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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