We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
