I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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