He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize